Crisis or Progress? A Short Guide to Transitions
I am writing from my new apartment in Ft. Worth, Texas.
The day after I moved in, a historic winter storm came through. This would have been challenging on its own, given the buildings, the local infrastructure, and the citizens here lack the material and experiential resources to easily deal with such low temperatures or high accumulations of snow. But this challenge became a full-on crisis for millions of people due to a epic failure of the state's energy grid.
I was one of the extremely lucky few who retained power throughout the experience--likely because I am so close to the hospital district. I was grateful for the great privilege of warmth, water, lights, internet. But anxious for my family and friends who all lost power for anywhere between 22 hours and 4.5 days.
We couldn't safely reach one another as the roads were terrible and, while I'm pretty comfortable driving in snow and ice, most of my fellow drivers here are not. Everyone was feeling especially tender and cautious given that Ft. Worth had just experienced a tragic 133-car pile-up on the very highway we would have had to travel.
So I sheltered in place solo. Again. While the world I had come to know and trust to run the same way, day in and day out, resembled something the likes of which was totally unfamiliar, I sat at home. It brought up a lot of memories from the experience of sheltering in place solo when Covid first hit. At that point living alone was totally new to me. Previously I had always lived with family, a partner, housemates and usually pets as well. That was the beginning of, by many miles, the loneliest year of my entire life. I let myself feel all the many different emotions arising from the current experience, and from the memories arising. I listened to the many different stories my mind tried to tell to make sense of all that was happening.
I reflected on all the wisdom I have gained by living through crises and major transitions. I came to see that crisis can definitely give way to progress--a healthy and desirable forward movement. But only if we can survive and thrive through transitional experiences. I came up with this little user's manual for surviving and thriving through transition:
A Short Guide to Transitions
Trust that transition is a natural process. Look to nature and personal experience for guidance, inspiration and support.
Accept that you are neither what you once were, nor what you might yet be. Make peace with being something less familiar or comfortable, something in between.
Practice just being present with any big feelings, without judgement or attachment. Don't try to repress what is present in the moment, or try to manufacture what is absent.
Examine which specific aspects of this transition process feel scary. Explore what is at the bottom of the fear.
Be honest about your limited resources--attention, energy, time, space, etc. Accept that contexts and priorities shifting is what makes this a transition.
Accept that some sources of support which were available in the past simply cannot help you through this transition. Trust that the support you need most will be discovered or developed as you go.
Be simple. Lighten your physical, emotional and psychological load. Avoid big new commitments.
Practice gentleness, patience and fluidity. Soften your approach whenever possible, especially if you notice the urge for drastic actions or violent gestures.
What's really changing? Devote time for exploring and processing the shifts, and inquiring into what transition is really all about for you.
What's not changing? Find what has been present continuously throughout all the change. Here lie your most trustworthy sources of love, wisdom and support. Devote time and attention to connecting with these.
Appreciate the new ways of perceiving and being, new freedoms, new connections, new skills and the other myriad gifts that have come through this journey of transition.
Get clear about what you really truly want on the other side of this transition. Earnest, sincere, whole-hearted desire is the smoothest way through.
Mourn what is not going to survive this transition. Thank these parting friends.
Celebrate and thank the parts of you which have survived by adapting and transforming. What a journey.
Celebrate and thank the parts of You that remain unscathed, unchanged, and untouched. Aho.
Here is a 37-minute talk which goes along with this list. There's a lot more wisdom in there from me and the Nowhere Village community. Dig in and let me know what you think.
Today the many windows are thrown open to breezes, sunbeams, birdsongs and sounds of children playing. I am grateful that all the roaming and schlepping and shifting I've been doing is at an end (for now) and a period of settling is commencing.
But we all know that more storms are coming. What do we need to let go of before that? What do we need to bolster? I hope to see some major reforms to the energy resource policy and management here in Texas.
As for me, I think I'm going to get a cat so at least there's someone to snuggle through my next apocalyptic adventure.